This past Thursday, Sue and I met with Dr Holzbeierlein, a urological oncologist with the University of Kansas Hospital. I wanted to be sure that another specialist in this field agreed with the course of action prescribed by my initial urologist.
It was obvious that Dr Holzbeierlein was a leader in this field of medicine, as he sent in a resident doctor for the first round of questioning and the dirty work. Yes, years of experience does have it's rewards; the resident would ask all the redundant questions and have the honor of doing the digital prostate check. For those of you my age, you know what I mean, a personal space violation only a doctor could get away with! And no, it's not digital because there's an electronic device, it's digital, like one of the digits on your hand that does the work. OK, I am being a bit factitious about the doctor's roles, but there probably is a little truth to that.
Moving on, the doctors recommendation for treatment was exactly the same, however, he did want to go back in and do another scraping of tissue inside the bladder and do another biopsy. His reasoning was to be sure we removed any potentially dangerous cells before beginning treatment. I was very uneasy about having another biopsy done; this would mean another surgery and another month to recover.
So, the dilemma; should I follow the experts advice or continue straight to the treatment. Remember, regardless of whether I choose the second scraping, the long term treatment recommendation of both doctors is the same.
Here's my thought process:
* A second scraping of the bladder may slightly increase the odds that all of the cancer cells were removed. However, even if some dangerous cells were still intact, the prescribed immunotherapy treatment would likely fight those remaining abnormal cells.
* A call back to my original urologist, Dr Joseph Myers from the Olathe Medical Center, confirmed his personal observation that all suspicious cells were removed. He assured me that there would be nothing left to scrape.
* Somewhere in the back of my mind lies this feeling that since Dr Holzbeierlein did not do the original surgery, he needs to be sure in his own mind that everything inside was scraped properly, hence the recommendation to do it again. Kind of a CYA?
* Fighting cancer requires a strong mind and a strong body. I personally feel ready to begin treatment and do not want the mental setback of another surgery. I also feel comfortable with Dr Myers, his answers to my questions and his staff.
After discussing the situation with Sue, we have decided to continue down the initial path given by Dr Myers. Treatment will begin on June 16th as planned.
On a happier note, today I ran for the first time in almost two months. I was a little apprehensive at first, jogging quite slowly (uh oh, runners hate the word jogging!), but eventually became more confident and ended up laying down 3 miles of tracks. My legs felt great but the breathing was still quite labored. Overall though, I was extremely pleased with the run. I'll slowly work in more days and more miles and hopefully will feel strong again soon.
Thanks again to everybody that has wished me well, I haven't been able to respond personally to everyone, but I do appreciate the kind words.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Just a dream?
One short week ago I was given the devastating news, the tumor was cancerous. Is this just a dream? How can I have cancer?
I'm supposed to be healthy, I eat better, I exercise more, dammit, I feel good. Surely there's been some kind of mistake.
The nurse from the doctors office called a few days ago and left a message to call her. Yeah, that's it, they finally discovered the mistake. I went to see her the next day; there was no mistake, just a copy of the surgeons and pathologist reports that confirmed the reality. OK, it's sinking in; I have cancer.
Cancer doesn't play by a set of rules, it finds it's way into many unsuspecting peoples lives. Sure I wonder "why me," but what about the 8 year old boy with leukemia, the young mother that discovers ovarian cancer, the coal miner with lung cancer that just wants to provide for his family? None of them deserved their fate either; I'm sure they all wondered why too.
"Why" is a tough question. Is it science, is it lifestyle, is it genetics or is it just fate?
Maybe it was years of smoking,
Maybe it was the constant handling of lead and chemicals in my early career,
Maybe it is the will of a greater being, striving to make me a stronger person.
Well, regardless, it's not a dream. I'll never really know why, so it's time to focus on the future.
The roller coaster of emotions I've felt the past week has been draining. I'm strong and determined one moment and crying the next. The outpouring of support from friends and family has been tremendous and believe me, I appreciate each and every email, call, or any kind of response. I'm learning to cope and with the help of my wife, I'm going to be fine emotionally. Sue is my rock! I'm also learning again how to pray; yes I've been distant from God in the past, but I look for His support too in my fight.
This week I go see a urological oncologist at KU Med Center for a second opinion. He is a surgeon and a specialist in these type cancers. I just want to be sure that more than one doctor agrees with the course of treatment. I'll update more after that meeting.
Thanks again everybody for all your thoughts and prayers.
I'm supposed to be healthy, I eat better, I exercise more, dammit, I feel good. Surely there's been some kind of mistake.
The nurse from the doctors office called a few days ago and left a message to call her. Yeah, that's it, they finally discovered the mistake. I went to see her the next day; there was no mistake, just a copy of the surgeons and pathologist reports that confirmed the reality. OK, it's sinking in; I have cancer.
Cancer doesn't play by a set of rules, it finds it's way into many unsuspecting peoples lives. Sure I wonder "why me," but what about the 8 year old boy with leukemia, the young mother that discovers ovarian cancer, the coal miner with lung cancer that just wants to provide for his family? None of them deserved their fate either; I'm sure they all wondered why too.
"Why" is a tough question. Is it science, is it lifestyle, is it genetics or is it just fate?
Maybe it was years of smoking,
Maybe it was the constant handling of lead and chemicals in my early career,
Maybe it is the will of a greater being, striving to make me a stronger person.
Well, regardless, it's not a dream. I'll never really know why, so it's time to focus on the future.
The roller coaster of emotions I've felt the past week has been draining. I'm strong and determined one moment and crying the next. The outpouring of support from friends and family has been tremendous and believe me, I appreciate each and every email, call, or any kind of response. I'm learning to cope and with the help of my wife, I'm going to be fine emotionally. Sue is my rock! I'm also learning again how to pray; yes I've been distant from God in the past, but I look for His support too in my fight.
This week I go see a urological oncologist at KU Med Center for a second opinion. He is a surgeon and a specialist in these type cancers. I just want to be sure that more than one doctor agrees with the course of treatment. I'll update more after that meeting.
Thanks again everybody for all your thoughts and prayers.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The New Journey Begins
Family and Friends
As some of you were already aware, I've been struggling the last few months with some type of bladder and/or prostate issue. After a third round of antibiotics for what continued to disguise itself as a urinary tract infection, and still no relief, I finally had to see a urologist and do further testing. On May 11th, I was scheduled for a cystoscopy, a procedure where they insert a tiny camera into the urethra and explore the inside of the bladder. During this procedure, a tumor was discovered and removed. They also cut away a small section of the prostate which will help allow me to urinate better. I would not be released from the hospital until I could pee again on my own and spent 2 nights there. Today, I'm still recovering; it's been a slow process but I continue to improve each day.
This past Friday, I had my follow up visit with my doctor. This is when I learned the dreaded truth; the pathology report on the tumor came back malignant. The news was quite shocking to me as the doctor had told me after surgery that he did not feel the growth he removed was suspicious. After a day of crying in Sue's arms and the agonizing phone calls to the kids and my parents, I'm ready to fight the next battle in my life. I plan to take the same approach to this battle as I do to running a marathon. There's going to be a lot of hard work involved along the way, but it won't stop me from reaching that final goal.
OK, enough with the doom and gloom. There's good news to talk about too. Bladder cancer is very treatable and has a high rate of success. I've seen numbers that show 75-80% survival rates. When bladder cancer is detected early, the outlook is usually brighter. The doctor feels that, based on how the tumor was attached in the tissue inside the bladder, that we did catch this early on. These are all good signs in my case.
So, this is where we go next. Beginning in mid June, I will begin what is called intravesical BCG therapy. Chemotherapy is also an option but is not as effective in this type cancer. BCG is not chemo, rather it is considered immunotherapy. Look at it this way; BCG is a live tuberculosis bacteria that will be injected into my bladder through a catheter. The presence of this bacteria triggers my own immune system to send in troops to fight the bacteria, while they're fighting, they also kill any cancer cells. The BCG solution will need to stay in the bladder for about 2 hours, then I just pee it out naturally. I will receive 6 treatments, once a week beginning June 16th. After that, they will do another cystoscopy to look in the bladder and determine whether it has been successful. If so, I will then go on a maintenance program with only 5 more injections in the following 2 years.
During this treatment, I should be able to work and function somewhat normally. Of course, in any treatment, there are side effects. In this therapy, difficulty urinating and/or the desire to urinate frequently, blood in the urine and bladder infections are the most commons side effects and occur in about 50% of patients. Heck, those are the same symptoms I've dealt with the last 6 months, I'm used to it, how bad can that be!
Writing you today was not meant to solicit any sympathy, rather I'm writing to help me express out loud to everyone my commitment to beating this thing. It helps to talk about it, so don't be afraid to ask me questions. It's too easy to feel sorry for yourself and that does no good. You've all played an important role in my life and I ask that you help me try to remain positive during this entire ordeal.
I look forward to running my next "Race for the Cure" as a cancer survivor.
As some of you were already aware, I've been struggling the last few months with some type of bladder and/or prostate issue. After a third round of antibiotics for what continued to disguise itself as a urinary tract infection, and still no relief, I finally had to see a urologist and do further testing. On May 11th, I was scheduled for a cystoscopy, a procedure where they insert a tiny camera into the urethra and explore the inside of the bladder. During this procedure, a tumor was discovered and removed. They also cut away a small section of the prostate which will help allow me to urinate better. I would not be released from the hospital until I could pee again on my own and spent 2 nights there. Today, I'm still recovering; it's been a slow process but I continue to improve each day.
This past Friday, I had my follow up visit with my doctor. This is when I learned the dreaded truth; the pathology report on the tumor came back malignant. The news was quite shocking to me as the doctor had told me after surgery that he did not feel the growth he removed was suspicious. After a day of crying in Sue's arms and the agonizing phone calls to the kids and my parents, I'm ready to fight the next battle in my life. I plan to take the same approach to this battle as I do to running a marathon. There's going to be a lot of hard work involved along the way, but it won't stop me from reaching that final goal.
OK, enough with the doom and gloom. There's good news to talk about too. Bladder cancer is very treatable and has a high rate of success. I've seen numbers that show 75-80% survival rates. When bladder cancer is detected early, the outlook is usually brighter. The doctor feels that, based on how the tumor was attached in the tissue inside the bladder, that we did catch this early on. These are all good signs in my case.
So, this is where we go next. Beginning in mid June, I will begin what is called intravesical BCG therapy. Chemotherapy is also an option but is not as effective in this type cancer. BCG is not chemo, rather it is considered immunotherapy. Look at it this way; BCG is a live tuberculosis bacteria that will be injected into my bladder through a catheter. The presence of this bacteria triggers my own immune system to send in troops to fight the bacteria, while they're fighting, they also kill any cancer cells. The BCG solution will need to stay in the bladder for about 2 hours, then I just pee it out naturally. I will receive 6 treatments, once a week beginning June 16th. After that, they will do another cystoscopy to look in the bladder and determine whether it has been successful. If so, I will then go on a maintenance program with only 5 more injections in the following 2 years.
During this treatment, I should be able to work and function somewhat normally. Of course, in any treatment, there are side effects. In this therapy, difficulty urinating and/or the desire to urinate frequently, blood in the urine and bladder infections are the most commons side effects and occur in about 50% of patients. Heck, those are the same symptoms I've dealt with the last 6 months, I'm used to it, how bad can that be!
Writing you today was not meant to solicit any sympathy, rather I'm writing to help me express out loud to everyone my commitment to beating this thing. It helps to talk about it, so don't be afraid to ask me questions. It's too easy to feel sorry for yourself and that does no good. You've all played an important role in my life and I ask that you help me try to remain positive during this entire ordeal.
I look forward to running my next "Race for the Cure" as a cancer survivor.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Lincoln Marathon
In what may prove to be my last full marathon, the Lincoln Track Club in Nebraska put on a great finale. From beginning to end, this race was top notch.
Sue, Ringo and I headed out on the 3-hour journey Saturday afternoon, May 2. We checked into the Days Inn near the airport and then headed down to packet pick up. The expo was typical, vendors hawking fancy antioxidant concoctions, chiropractors that will straighten your spine and loads of clearance running gear. Packet pick up was smooth and soon, we were on our way to the race sponsored "Pastathon."
In the neat little Stadium Club, across from the University of Nebraska's football stadium, the Pastathon was available to anyone who walked up and wanted to eat. No need to show that you were entered in the race; they welcomed everybody. The meal was nothing fancy; salad, pasta with meat sauce or marinara sauce, bread and fudgesicles for dessert. I loaded up a heaping plateful and settled down at one of the outdoor tables, since the dog was with us. One of the volunteers commented that this was the first time in many years that we didn't have to worry about rain, wind or cold. Today, the weather was perfect! The meal was quite good considering it's simplicity. After dinner, we walked around campus a bit and found a track meet in progress. We hung around awhile and watched some of the pole vaulters and long jumpers.
Race morning came early, I always seen to wake before the alarm; 4;30 am to be specific. It looks to be another beautiful day, around 50 to start with the sun warming us nicely through the mix of clouds. The race begins in the center of campus and the football stadium, along with the Coliseum, is open for bathrooms or just a place to keep warm. There were no pace groups, so I lined up at the 10-minute mile pace marker. The goal today would be to finish in 4:20 or at least beat my best time of 4:24.The course itself was decent, a mix of campus, neighborhoods, bike trails, and park areas. It's not the most interesting course, but there are almost no hills. The first half is a loop and the second half is an out-and-back. I would say it's a fast course, but for a mid to back of the pack runner, the first half is crowded with all the half-marathoners, especially along the narrow bike trails where it's hard to keep a pace, weaving between walkers and slower runners. The course is great for spectators, as Sue was able to easily find me numerous times throughout the race. There seemed to be plenty of cheering fans---OK, it's not Chicago---but they were everywhere and enthusiastic. The aid stations were THE best I've ever seen in a race. Gatorade and water were clearly distinguishable by the type/color of the cup and half of the cups would have lids and straws, so it was easy to keep running through the station if you wished. They also had numerous stops with orange slices, Vaseline and a couple of GU stops in the second half.
My day started well, I felt good through the first half, but lost a few minutes to my pace and a few more for a bathroom stop. At the halfway point, I was 4 minutes behind, so I began to pick up my pace a bit to try and get back a few of the minutes. This worked fine for miles 13-16; I got back to only 2 minutes behind goal, but the strategy would prove faulty. In miles 17-22 I had to pay back exponentially for the extra burst used earlier and thus came to the realization that I would not meet my goal today. I began to employ some walking in the mix, but pain in my right knee became overbearing. It hurt so much to try and start running again after the walks, that I abandoned the walk and just kept running at a snail's pace. Once the finish line was in view, like any proud marathoner that's feeling defeated, I forced my legs to sprint the last quarter mile and finish on a strong note.
Final time: 4:49:47
Friends and fellow bloggers Kim and Doug also run the race
While I was disappointed today in my results, this race was one of the best overall experiences I've had.
Early on, still looking freshLater around mile 22, not so much!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The New Career
Well, it's been quite some time since I last posted and many changes have taken place since then. Back in early October, I was given notice that my position at work was being consolidated and eventually our group would no longer exist. That day has finally come, and I am now spending my first week ever on unemployment.
I've been through many different emotions since the announcement, but now I have made peace with this change and am ready to move on. At 55, there's not a whole lot of career left in me, but with the economic situation, I'm likely to have to work for another 10 years. Relatively speaking, 10 years is a short time, so I plan to pursue a career that I will enjoy, not one that may be financially the best option.
Since I was a kid, I've always loved to travel. My parents always took us somewhere every summer, mostly up and down the east coast. When I turned 18 and took my first vacation as an adult, my buddy and I drove from Michigan to California and back in a week. Being on the road and seeing the country was thrilling to me. So, what do I want to be now that I've grown up and need a job; a driver of course. What's the best job in the driving industry; ya, that's right, a truck driver.
I've made the decision that I'm going to pursue a career as a truck driver, fully prepared to drive OTR in a big rig. Some people think I'm crazy, but I'm excited. Yes, a part of me has always thought about driving a truck, so why not now! I've enrolled in a 6-week truck driving school, which starts in May. After graduation, I'll be qualified work in an industry that is always in need of drivers, so finding a job shouldn't be too difficult.
In the meantime, I've kept up with my running and am currently training for the Lincoln Marathon on May 3. The training seems so much more difficult this year; I don't know why, but I seem to struggle on every long run. Sometimes I think it's mostly mental as it's been hard to keep focused the last few months.
Going forward, training while being on the road in a truck will prove to be quite a challenge. Realistically, I doubt that I will be able to train for long races anymore, but I do plan to try and put in a few miles every week. It will be exciting to be able to run in a different state or different city every day.
Wish me luck.......
I've been through many different emotions since the announcement, but now I have made peace with this change and am ready to move on. At 55, there's not a whole lot of career left in me, but with the economic situation, I'm likely to have to work for another 10 years. Relatively speaking, 10 years is a short time, so I plan to pursue a career that I will enjoy, not one that may be financially the best option.
Since I was a kid, I've always loved to travel. My parents always took us somewhere every summer, mostly up and down the east coast. When I turned 18 and took my first vacation as an adult, my buddy and I drove from Michigan to California and back in a week. Being on the road and seeing the country was thrilling to me. So, what do I want to be now that I've grown up and need a job; a driver of course. What's the best job in the driving industry; ya, that's right, a truck driver.
I've made the decision that I'm going to pursue a career as a truck driver, fully prepared to drive OTR in a big rig. Some people think I'm crazy, but I'm excited. Yes, a part of me has always thought about driving a truck, so why not now! I've enrolled in a 6-week truck driving school, which starts in May. After graduation, I'll be qualified work in an industry that is always in need of drivers, so finding a job shouldn't be too difficult.
In the meantime, I've kept up with my running and am currently training for the Lincoln Marathon on May 3. The training seems so much more difficult this year; I don't know why, but I seem to struggle on every long run. Sometimes I think it's mostly mental as it's been hard to keep focused the last few months.
Going forward, training while being on the road in a truck will prove to be quite a challenge. Realistically, I doubt that I will be able to train for long races anymore, but I do plan to try and put in a few miles every week. It will be exciting to be able to run in a different state or different city every day.
Wish me luck.......
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Where do we go from here
The running year is winding down and right now, I have no plans for my next race. Next years possibilities include:
Another Triathlon (maybe a half Ironman)
Psycho Wyco (a tough, mid-winter trail run)
Brew to Brew (maybe solo this year?)
Mad City Marathon (Madison, WI)
I'm looking for a spring marathon in the upper midwest so I can pick up my daughter in Chicago and then go run the race with her.
Right now, I've stopped any running as I await medical clearance on my foot. I went to see an orthopedic specialist to see if there could possibly be a stress fracture. X-rays did not reveal anything, so this Wednesday, I go in for a bone scan. So, I may take a break from running for a month or so or I may start back up next weekend, we'll see. The uncertainty has me back in the pool to keep in shape and thoughts of a 2nd triathlon are beginning to sprout.
Last night I received a call from the President of our local running club. He was actually asking me if I would be interested in taking over as President for the upcoming year. What, are they crazy, me? I've only been a member for 1 year and honestly, I'm more of a follower, not a leader. Well, frankly, I was honored that he even thought of me that way. I would like to be more involved with the club, but not quite at that level.
College Football
Around here, I'm sure there are many people that are quite disappointed with their favorite team.
Kansas - inconsistent and can't stop anybody
Missouri - not quite the offensive juggernaut they expected
Oklahoma - couldn't win the big game
But none so bad a year as the team I still follow, the Michigan Wolverines.
A few weeks back we had our annual Michigan vs Penn St party. One of my closest friends is from Pennsylvania and is a big Penn St fan. So, each year we get together for the game and the loser has to burn an item bearing the logo of their school. Since I've known Dave, I have yet to burn any Michigan gear. Yeah, eight straight years of watching Penn St t-shirts, flags, towels go up in flames. The tide finally changed this year.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Blue Springs 50/50
The Blue Springs 50/50 is one of the smallest marathons in the country. The race also includes a 50K and a 50 miler. This actually a trail race, but the trail itself is exceptionally smooth, fine crushed gravel; an excellent surface upon which to run. It was a little strange, when asked by other runners what race I'm in, having to reply, "Oh, just the marathon." While the aid was adequate, this is a race where you need to be self sufficient. B.Y.O.W.
My today race consisted of 4 stages.
The Serenity Stage - Miles 1-6
The quiet and calm of an early Sunday morning before daylight, leads the mind to ponder thoughts about the virtues of running. I'm reminded of what a wonderful life I lead; from the family support I receive to the amazing physical and mental benefits that running a marathon provides. Smooth jazz songs flow through my headphones in time with the gently rushing waters of the Little Blue River along the trail. The sun slowly rises above the horizon and promises to take the chill off my body. At the moment, there's no place I'd rather be.
The Delusional Stage - Miles 7-13
I'm warmed up and now into the race. Things are going well, my pace is good and thoughts of a personal best dance in my head. The magic number to me is 4:20 or averaging a 10 minute mile pace. There's no mile markers on the course and I wear a Bulova Accutron, not a Garmin, so I'll have to rely on feel for my pace. I'm most certainly running below 10:00. And I feel great! I begin thinking about how close to a BQ I would be if I keep this up. The adrenaline is pumping as my mind is racing as fast as my legs. Yeah, this could be the day I put it all together.
The Faded Glory Stage - Miles 14-20
Somewhere around mile 14, reality begins to set in. My shadow looks up at me and laughs, "I told you to take it easy, you didn't even train that hard and you expect to set a PR?" I'm still hanging tough and begin to try and think of a Mantra so I don't have to listen to my shadow. "I've got inner strength, that will keep me going." I try to keep reciting, but along comes a new pain I've never felt before. Soon, this pain in my left foot hobbles me enough to where I need to walk. Walking provides little relief and the pain intensifies. It feels as if my shoe lace is too tight, so I loosen up the bow, but to no avail. After walking a half mile or so, I give running another attempt. The pain hasn't completely gone, but at least feels bearable for now. The aid station around mile 16 is approaching and this is located at the start area, so I am considering calling it a day. I reach the aid station and miraculously, the foot feels OK now. I grab a couple of Aleve and continue on. The Aleve works wonderfully, at least for a couple miles. Here I am, nearing the 20 mile mark and the pain has returned with a vengeance.
The Hallucinatory Stage - Miles 21-26
My mind now has to deal with the constant pain in my foot as well as the tightening hamstrings and a mental state that can't focus on anything positive. I'm past the point of no return so I have to finish. My pace has slowed dramatically as I watch Survivor Man pass by. Wow, a celebrity, what's he doin' out here? After a quick blink of the eyes, he's gone. Damn, I had some questions. I bit later I notice a 5 piece band playing in the adjacent meadow. Journey to the Center of the Mind? Is this a 1960's experiment? Wow, I need water. I need to lay down. Or is it lie down, I don't know, I'm confused. Eventually, the gates opened and I entered the 26.2 zone.
I have no idea how I made it through the last 5 miles!
Finish Time 4:44:01
My today race consisted of 4 stages.
The Serenity Stage - Miles 1-6
The quiet and calm of an early Sunday morning before daylight, leads the mind to ponder thoughts about the virtues of running. I'm reminded of what a wonderful life I lead; from the family support I receive to the amazing physical and mental benefits that running a marathon provides. Smooth jazz songs flow through my headphones in time with the gently rushing waters of the Little Blue River along the trail. The sun slowly rises above the horizon and promises to take the chill off my body. At the moment, there's no place I'd rather be.
The Delusional Stage - Miles 7-13
I'm warmed up and now into the race. Things are going well, my pace is good and thoughts of a personal best dance in my head. The magic number to me is 4:20 or averaging a 10 minute mile pace. There's no mile markers on the course and I wear a Bulova Accutron, not a Garmin, so I'll have to rely on feel for my pace. I'm most certainly running below 10:00. And I feel great! I begin thinking about how close to a BQ I would be if I keep this up. The adrenaline is pumping as my mind is racing as fast as my legs. Yeah, this could be the day I put it all together.
The Faded Glory Stage - Miles 14-20
Somewhere around mile 14, reality begins to set in. My shadow looks up at me and laughs, "I told you to take it easy, you didn't even train that hard and you expect to set a PR?" I'm still hanging tough and begin to try and think of a Mantra so I don't have to listen to my shadow. "I've got inner strength, that will keep me going." I try to keep reciting, but along comes a new pain I've never felt before. Soon, this pain in my left foot hobbles me enough to where I need to walk. Walking provides little relief and the pain intensifies. It feels as if my shoe lace is too tight, so I loosen up the bow, but to no avail. After walking a half mile or so, I give running another attempt. The pain hasn't completely gone, but at least feels bearable for now. The aid station around mile 16 is approaching and this is located at the start area, so I am considering calling it a day. I reach the aid station and miraculously, the foot feels OK now. I grab a couple of Aleve and continue on. The Aleve works wonderfully, at least for a couple miles. Here I am, nearing the 20 mile mark and the pain has returned with a vengeance.
The Hallucinatory Stage - Miles 21-26
My mind now has to deal with the constant pain in my foot as well as the tightening hamstrings and a mental state that can't focus on anything positive. I'm past the point of no return so I have to finish. My pace has slowed dramatically as I watch Survivor Man pass by. Wow, a celebrity, what's he doin' out here? After a quick blink of the eyes, he's gone. Damn, I had some questions. I bit later I notice a 5 piece band playing in the adjacent meadow. Journey to the Center of the Mind? Is this a 1960's experiment? Wow, I need water. I need to lay down. Or is it lie down, I don't know, I'm confused. Eventually, the gates opened and I entered the 26.2 zone.
I have no idea how I made it through the last 5 miles!
Finish Time 4:44:01
Thursday, October 2, 2008
A New Direction?
Have you ever had a day as bad as this guys? It's a lesson we all learn eventually, don't try new foods the night before a big race.
Myself, I'm going on a new Runners Diet, where carbs, protein and fat all come together in a tasty sandwich that just has to be good for you!
Autumn has delivered a new boost of confidence in my running lately. Looking back over my logs for the last couple months, I found many entries with words like struggled, tired, slow. Now, with temps in the early morning in the 40's and 50's, my energy level has been renewed and the legs feel fresh.
Myself, I'm going on a new Runners Diet, where carbs, protein and fat all come together in a tasty sandwich that just has to be good for you! Autumn has delivered a new boost of confidence in my running lately. Looking back over my logs for the last couple months, I found many entries with words like struggled, tired, slow. Now, with temps in the early morning in the 40's and 50's, my energy level has been renewed and the legs feel fresh.But, as with all good in life comes the equalizer. I am now struggling to keep my job, tired of all the company BS and slowly become more depressed.
It was announced a few weeks ago that my position at work is going away. The company, always careful to market the same old strategy with a different name, was kind enough to not call this "downsizing." Instead, I am caught up in Role Consolidation. Any sarcasm in the previous sentence was purely unintentional. Yes, someone else will do my work.
OK, so it's not like I'm surprised, we've been dealing with this for years. I've survived many previous downsizing and/or outsourcing efforts and seen many of my long time friends get let go. I should have seen this coming. I work in a dying business, check printing. Hell, I don't even write checks anymore. But, it's a job nonetheless and has given me a comfortably lifestyle for 35 years.
The good news; they haven't yet announced who is affected. I could be one of the fortunate few who they keep on. Realistically, I stand about a 25% chance of keeping my job. You know what, I'm not sure I want to. I'm sick of living on pins and needles about this time every year. Unfortunately, the stock market, the job market, the general economy all make this a bit scary.
Regardless, I haven't felt like writing much lately; for that, I apologize. I have been trying to at least keep up with reading my favorite blogs, but thinking of humorous, witty comments has been difficult, so I will only show as another tick on your site meter. Thankfully, running has gone well lately and keeps me focused on the big picture. As always, I feel better after a good run and it helps offset the 'I don't give a shit' attitude I've been carrying around.
But life goes on, just maybe in a new direction. I will start a new career if needed; something I enjoy doing, not just another boring job. Maybe a brain surgeon or selling German roasted almonds at the mall.
As Jack Handey once said, "If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny. "
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