If you think that was dumb.......

In my last post, I made the comment about my wife's and my 'dumb genes'. What could be dumber than implying that my wife had dumb genes? I solidified my own stupidity by just making the remark. But wait, I'm quite sure I've done dumber things than that, right? Absolutely!

I'll bet you have too -- haven't we all?

So, I got to thinking, what's the dumbest thing I've ever done? This post shall be dedicated to everyone who has done something really stupid!

Let's first start with my daughter, Alison. This is how this all got started anyway; with her and her 4.0 grade point average. Luckily, her degree did not require the class Common Sense 101. I will be more than happy to point out one her proudest dumb moments!

It's year 5 of college and Alison has moved into her own 1-bedroom apartment in South Bend, Indiana. As a typical college kid with limited financial resources, (yes, that means dad don't make a ton of money) she does what she can to be frugal. That, of course, includes trying to keep utility payments as low as possible. The apartment is all electric, the heat and central air.

Along comes winter and it's time to set the thermostat low. No sense heating an apartment too much when she spends very little of the day there. And with just a couple extra blankets on the bed, the nights are tolerable. Good kid, we taught her to conserve well. So, Alison goes to set the thermostat down in the low 60's. Just a slight problem though, there's 2 different thermostats; one controls the heat, the other controls the central air. Which one is which??? No problem for my educated daughter, she just turned 'em both down. Problem solved!

Next month, I get a call from Alison, she got her first winter electric bill, a whopping $250 or so. Oh my God, is electric heat that expensive? "Dad, I've got it set to like 60, I'm freezing in here, and I can't afford to turn up the heat", she complains. Well, something doesn't seem right, but I'm 500 miles away, what can I do?

Later in the season, Sue and I finally make a trip to Indiana for a visit. Damn, she's right, this apartment is COLD. Then, one day, I feel a cold breeze blowing out of the air vents in the kitchen. Yes, she turned the central air and the heat down together, so the heat is working double time trying warm the constant blast of cool air. That's my girl!!!

OK, now that Alison is probably mad at me for calling her out, it's time to belittle myself.


This story happened when I was a young, impressional teenager. Actually, I've never told anyone the truth about this. Yes, you heard it here first!

I was maybe 16 or 17 and working at the .20 burger joint that had this large sign out front claiming a million sold, framed in yellow arches. Yes, McDonalds was THE place to work when you were in high school. All the cool girls would come in on Friday night and we had our own little system to alert the other guys when a foxy chick came in. Depending on what register the girl would line up, 1 through 4, we would yell out "Ice on Four", a direct reference to which line to check out.

It's a Sunday morning and I'm part of the opening crew that day. I'm down in the basement (yes, this old McDonalds had a basement) collecting cups, lids and all the stock we'll need for the morning rush. All of a sudden, water begins to pour from the ceiling right near where I'm working. "Hah, which idiot dumped over the mop bucket," I wondered to myself. In a quick thought of providing some comic relief for the poor sucker, I decide to stand under the waterfall; this will surely provide a good laugh when I walk upstairs! Holy Trans Fat Batman, it's not water, it's burning hot oil.

Yes, Sunday morning is when they change the shortening in the fryers. The gob of fat comes as solid shortening and once it's heated, it then melts. The person working on the vats that morning forgot to close the spigot after drainng the old oil and once the new batch melted, down it poured on me.

I took a trip to the clinic with a nice dose of 2nd degree burns on my scalp, neck and shoulders. The joke was on me that day.

There, I feel relieved, what's the dumbest thing you've ever done?